The best laid plans. . .

Well, the little boy that we planned on adopting is now out of our lives. He was taken to a kinship placement. We love him so much and know that we could provide a better life for him, one in which he has a real shot at making it in life we have no choice but to watch him walk into the hand of a relative he does not know. We ache because we know how traumatized he is right now wondering where we are. It was heartbreaking to turn him over into the hand of poverty and a family with a cycle of abuse a mile long but these are the decisions that the state makes. . . the decisions that are the best interest of the child. . .the child they have never met and really have no idea what is best. Do I think just because he is going to be living in poverty that he does not have a shot? No, but I know he now has many, many more obstacles to his success than he did a week ago. I will pray for him as I always have and will believe that this family will realize what a treasure they have in him and no only NOT hurt him but give him every opportunity to shine. I commit him into my Father's hands. . .that is the best place for him. . .as my own heart breaks . . .

Yep, it's been 8 months

HOME - I can't believe it has really been 8 months since I posted. . .ugh! But things have changed. We have managed to take all the classes and complete all the required paperwork to become foster to adopt parents. We have been spending time with a little boy we would love to adopt. A friend of mine is a foster parent already. We have gone through the gambit of emotions in waiting to see what will happen. As for us as a couple we are over joyed to hear about the news from California!
CHURCH - It seems so many people are getting cancer right now. I see life as this wide circle of people. People on the far outside of the circle may be people you only ever meet once and as you get closer to the center are the people you are close to. Then as the illnesses start popping up very close to you it makes you wonder if your next some times. I worry about that stuff a lot. I start by worrying about them then get caught up in the worry tide and become awash in fear. The Bible had 365 passages devoted to fear. You would think I would realize that God's got me covered on that. My pastor has stage 3 melanoma. A wonderful woman who has a heart of service and 4 adopted foster kids just found out she has brain, breast, bone and liver cancer. If you read this please send one up for them.
WORK - I continue to be perplexed that my whole work self-esteem is tied in with what my boss thinks of me and I am very tired of it. Why I allow myself to me caught up in the drama that is I just don't know. I guess it is because I expect that loyalty and support that I have shown all these years to be rewarded with the same instead of being met with "why don't you answer your phone when I call???" (Never mind that I am at my desk 24/7 and only left to go to the bathroom.)
Other stuff - I am also not speaking to my friends right now as they had the "oh we are so concerned about your health discussion". What I find interesting about being fat is that people feel like they have the right to discuss your issues. However if you were to bring up their OCD or HIV status or anything else they would be indignant that you comment on those things but some how the fat girl is just supposed to accept it.
Oh, I have vented enough and I know that next time I write I will have a positive things to say on every front. According to Joel's sermon I heard the other day, things don't happen to me they happen for me. These things are all preparing me for something better. God has something great planned for me.