HOME - I can't believe it has really been 8 months since I posted. . .ugh! But things have changed. We have managed to take all the classes and complete all the required paperwork to become foster to adopt parents. We have been spending time with a little boy we would love to adopt. A friend of mine is a foster parent already. We have gone through the gambit of emotions in waiting to see what will happen. As for us as a couple we are over joyed to hear about the news from California!
CHURCH - It seems so many people are getting cancer right now. I see life as this wide circle of people. People on the far outside of the circle may be people you only ever meet once and as you get closer to the center are the people you are close to. Then as the illnesses start popping up very close to you it makes you wonder if your next some times. I worry about that stuff a lot. I start by worrying about them then get caught up in the worry tide and become awash in fear. The Bible had 365 passages devoted to fear. You would think I would realize that God's got me covered on that. My pastor has stage 3 melanoma. A wonderful woman who has a heart of service and 4 adopted foster kids just found out she has brain, breast, bone and liver cancer. If you read this please send one up for them.
WORK - I continue to be perplexed that my whole work self-esteem is tied in with what my boss thinks of me and I am very tired of it. Why I allow myself to me caught up in the drama that is I just don't know. I guess it is because I expect that loyalty and support that I have shown all these years to be rewarded with the same instead of being met with "why don't you answer your phone when I call???" (Never mind that I am at my desk 24/7 and only left to go to the bathroom.)
Other stuff - I am also not speaking to my friends right now as they had the "oh we are so concerned about your health discussion". What I find interesting about being fat is that people feel like they have the right to discuss your issues. However if you were to bring up their OCD or HIV status or anything else they would be indignant that you comment on those things but some how the fat girl is just supposed to accept it.
Oh, I have vented enough and I know that next time I write I will have a positive things to say on every front. According to Joel's sermon I heard the other day, things don't happen to me they happen for me. These things are all preparing me for something better. God has something great planned for me.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Sunday, September 9, 2007
The Vacation is over. . .back to the salt mines.
My wife and 6 of our closest friends (all couples) spent a beautiful long weekend at the lake. We talked late into the night, we shared and laughed a lot. I love having a circle of friends that are committed to a friendship. I dread the parade coming up. . .gay pride that is. We have been responsible for the float, giving up our weekends to work on it and I just could not even think about it this weekend. I wonder if anything has been done on it but we have spent so much time that I felt like someone else needed to step up. I am sure that tomorrow I will be freaking out. Also I got some steroids and my Crohn's flare-up seems to be better. Back to the lake . . . We spent time in fellowship that we would never have the opportunity to at home. It was a beautiful thing. The picture is a view from our cabin this morning as the rain came in. The fishing was good. The cabins were decent, much better than Lake Murray. We love the scenery at Lake Murray but they need to tear everyone of their 50 year old cabins down and start over. Anyway, these had great decks and kitchens. The guy who handled our check-in was a really sweet guy and very helpful, he bent over backwards to help us out. There were HUGE spiders but after we hosed everything down AND then sprayed with enough bug spray to fill a crop duster things were much less "buggy".
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
It's raging and it's back
I have been in a stage of remission from Crohn's disease for about 5 years now. It's funny how fast that time flies by when you are feeling good. I guess I never had complete relief but better than anything I had before. I was afraid when I had the lap band surgery that I would be thrown into a flare-up but no. So when I had a wound that would not heal because I was on Colazal which is an immuno-suppressant, I stopped taking it. I still felt good. Then I took that little sojourn to New Orleans and have been sick ever since but it's gotten much worse. I had surgery to correct a fistula and that never has healed so I am pretty miserable right now. However, when I get freaked out about it I have learned to talk to my problem about how big my God is instead of talking to God about my problem. I know that God is going to heal me and I will be better than ever. I have been on both sides of this and I know that soon I will be on the other side again soon enough. If you feel like you will not be on the other side of a problem soon talk to your problem about how big your God is.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
The Anxeity Cometh
Why oh why do these waves of anxiety hit me. When I get stressed out something (chemical I assume) snaps and sends me easily into a rage. Even having a little xanax every now and then to keep the anxiety at bay some times just does not work. Then I wonder. . ."maybe everyone feels like this they just handle it better". Either way all I can do is acknowledge it and work around it. I think it is a culmination of my boss giving me more responsibility than anyone else (she doesn't hate me; she is "helping me grow. . .")trying to get the Pride Parade Float built and needing some time for me--dang it. Then I feel selfish. The wyfe just had knee surgery too which makes me the beck and call girl when I am the princess--dang it. Lord, forgive me for being a whiner. Phew. Vent over.
Chubby baby girl out.
Chubby baby girl out.
Monday, August 13, 2007
God loves me but not YOU
OK, I'm really hot about the following tidbit of info:
A "Christian" church in Arlington, TX refused to have a funeral for a gay man related to one of their employees. They were gonna do it then they figured out he was gay and dumped him the day before. Did I also mention that he is a veteran? Nice. Thanks for the Freedom. . .fag. The church is High point Church and you can read all about this issue at the Dallas Morning News Web site.
But just so you don't think all Church's named "High Point" are ugly the website for High Point Church in Wisconsin has the following on there web site:
A Case Of Mistaken IdentityPosted Aug 12, 2007 You are looking at the website of High Point Church in Madison, Wisconsin, which has no affiliation with the High Point Church in Arlington, Texas. The church in Arlington has been involved in recent days in controversy over the cancellation of a previously scheduled funeral service. Our sympathies go to the family of the deceased that is grieving their recent loss. Posted on behalf of the Elder Board and Rev. Ridley N. Usherwood.
For those who may run across this because they have been told that as a gay person you do not have a place at the table to worship Christ. . .you have been lied to by the Devil himself. One of the worst work that the evil one is doing right now is splintering believers and turning us against each other which strikes at the very core of Jesus' one commandment to us to love one another. And the highest most respected are falling for it. If you believe in Jesus Christ as your personal savior , that he died and rose for you, confess your sins and pray this then you will have everlasting life. Find a welcoming church on Google or email me I will help. I never want to think someone was left behind because they believed the lie.
A "Christian" church in Arlington, TX refused to have a funeral for a gay man related to one of their employees. They were gonna do it then they figured out he was gay and dumped him the day before. Did I also mention that he is a veteran? Nice. Thanks for the Freedom. . .fag. The church is High point Church and you can read all about this issue at the Dallas Morning News Web site.
But just so you don't think all Church's named "High Point" are ugly the website for High Point Church in Wisconsin has the following on there web site:
A Case Of Mistaken IdentityPosted Aug 12, 2007 You are looking at the website of High Point Church in Madison, Wisconsin, which has no affiliation with the High Point Church in Arlington, Texas. The church in Arlington has been involved in recent days in controversy over the cancellation of a previously scheduled funeral service. Our sympathies go to the family of the deceased that is grieving their recent loss. Posted on behalf of the Elder Board and Rev. Ridley N. Usherwood.
For those who may run across this because they have been told that as a gay person you do not have a place at the table to worship Christ. . .you have been lied to by the Devil himself. One of the worst work that the evil one is doing right now is splintering believers and turning us against each other which strikes at the very core of Jesus' one commandment to us to love one another. And the highest most respected are falling for it. If you believe in Jesus Christ as your personal savior , that he died and rose for you, confess your sins and pray this then you will have everlasting life. Find a welcoming church on Google or email me I will help. I never want to think someone was left behind because they believed the lie.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Hello Kitty
Did I mention I am a Hello Kitty Freak? I know, I know but I can't help it. I just love her. Here is a avatar I "appropraited" from someone, it's my favorite. In the event you can't tell she is holding a GPS device.
Self Discovery
OK, OK so I have not posted in a while. . .sorry, I was involuntarily sent to New Orleans for a period of self discovery (aka Leadership Training). These are the things I discovered during my "leadership" training:
1. I am bossy.
2. People perceive me as bossy.
3. Duh!
So they then set about spending two weeks trying to get me to what? Not be bossy. One of the last days we had a "simulation". . .the feedback I got from that? I was not bossy enough during the exercise. Lessons learned? Be myself and be bossy but first pretend to hear what others are saying before I am bossy. Cost of Training, thousands, cost of little pieces of my soul? Priceless.
The other thing I learned is that the Fed's want to send everyone there for training to stimulate the economy.
Let me tell you a little about 2007 New Orleans. If you go there as a tourist and stay in the downtown area you think "WOW, New Orleans has really made a come back!" However, if you leave your little cocoon of the the 5 mile radius of the French Quarter/Convention Center area you realize just how devastated the Big Easy really is. You pass street after street of houses with the "X" spray painted by FEMA on them, the whole city is covered. These X show who serched the house, the date and if they found any bodies. Who needs Cemetary tours when you have this kind of horror staring you in the face? You still see "trailer cities" set up in parking lots where shopping centers used to be. They are orderly and almost seem like an overflow from some popular RV park, yet they even have armed guards to make sure you belong there. It seemed everyday I was there a shooting was reported. We saw military police anytime we left the "cocoon". I went to Wal-mart on a couple of occasions and what I sensed and felt was a quiet desperation. I feel for the tenacity of the people of New Orleans but I am not sure that it is possible to deal with mass post traumatic stress syndrome in those sorts of numbers. There is a feeling that hangs in the air. . .heavy; like the humidity . . . like a forced smile when you are having your photo taken and you have to smile. I don't think many of the residents are ready to "say cheese" yet. And who can blame them?
1. I am bossy.
2. People perceive me as bossy.
3. Duh!
So they then set about spending two weeks trying to get me to what? Not be bossy. One of the last days we had a "simulation". . .the feedback I got from that? I was not bossy enough during the exercise. Lessons learned? Be myself and be bossy but first pretend to hear what others are saying before I am bossy. Cost of Training, thousands, cost of little pieces of my soul? Priceless.
The other thing I learned is that the Fed's want to send everyone there for training to stimulate the economy.
Let me tell you a little about 2007 New Orleans. If you go there as a tourist and stay in the downtown area you think "WOW, New Orleans has really made a come back!" However, if you leave your little cocoon of the the 5 mile radius of the French Quarter/Convention Center area you realize just how devastated the Big Easy really is. You pass street after street of houses with the "X" spray painted by FEMA on them, the whole city is covered. These X show who serched the house, the date and if they found any bodies. Who needs Cemetary tours when you have this kind of horror staring you in the face? You still see "trailer cities" set up in parking lots where shopping centers used to be. They are orderly and almost seem like an overflow from some popular RV park, yet they even have armed guards to make sure you belong there. It seemed everyday I was there a shooting was reported. We saw military police anytime we left the "cocoon". I went to Wal-mart on a couple of occasions and what I sensed and felt was a quiet desperation. I feel for the tenacity of the people of New Orleans but I am not sure that it is possible to deal with mass post traumatic stress syndrome in those sorts of numbers. There is a feeling that hangs in the air. . .heavy; like the humidity . . . like a forced smile when you are having your photo taken and you have to smile. I don't think many of the residents are ready to "say cheese" yet. And who can blame them?
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